Posts Tagged ‘Craziness’

Condiments and Sauces, etc…..

March 27, 2011

Never mind keeping track of what people are allergic to or not in my house, I have to worry about who eats what condiments, sauce, yogurt,etc…. Pay attention, there will be a quiz at the end.

Big Daddy:  Hellman’s mayo only, Miracle whip is the devil’s food.  banana peppers, toasted bread-if eating bread, no blood on the plate with the beef, but will eat carpaccio.  American cheese over cheddar on the sandwich.  No couscous because, “it tastes like air.” eggs over pancakes.  Veggies,  veggies, and more veggies.  Meat, meat, and more meat.  fruit, some desserts, but not many. Tea.  No coffee unless its frou-frou.  Ranch dressing.

MiniMe: No salad dressing of any kind.  No condiments on the sandwich, BBQ sauce on everything else.  Lettuce, tomatoes only on sanwiches-not in salads.  Butter on sandwiches, no mayo. Orange juice.  plain milk makes him gag, scrambles eggs, never boiled. Oatmeal. Pancakes.  No fruit-on-the bottom yogurt-must be pre-blended.  Spinach, preferably creamed and most veggies. HAM! Shrimp. Loves sweet potatoes, but will eat white potatoes.  Prefers Alfredo sauce over tomato sauce, but will eat them mixed or separate, doesn’t care.  Previously didn’t like onions, not will eat them on a sandwich.  Will eat plain cabbage  and raw potatoes.  Gravy on the meat, but not the starch. Now likes spicy foods.  Motto: If not nailed down, it will be eaten.

Whirling Dervish: Nothing with a weird texture-No oatmeal, pudding, and only some smoothies. Baked potatoes, no sweet potatoes.  Meat! No fish other than how Grandpa Poppy makes it (fried).  Gluten-free diet.  Rice gives her headaches.  Boiled eggs, scrambled eggs, but favorite are fried but is not a breakfast eater. Milk.  Will eat deviled eggs without paprika.  No nuts, but likes peanut butter.  Prefers Alfredo sauce over tomato sauce, will eat pink sauce. White Bean Soup is favorite.  No shrimp.  Yogurt prefered from a tube, rather than a container.  Cheese, cheese, and more cheese. Corn in any form. No spinach, creamed or otherwise. Gravy on the starch, sometimes the meat. Beans.

Glamour Rayz:  The tangier the better.  Dill pickles by the jar.  Boiled eggs, but only the whites, but will eat deviled eggs.  Baked potato, but no skin on it. Makes her own pesto sauce.  No Alfredo sauce, but will eat tomato or Pink sauce. No crusts ont he sandwiches. Prefers chocolate milk.  Cheeseburgers plain.  Hot dogs with no bun.  Gravy on meat and starch.  Has a sweet tooth.  Syrup and powdered sugar on the waffles.  Likes spicy stuff.  No peas, will tolerate green beans.  Salad either plain or with Italian dressing depending on the mood.  Likes ice in all drinks.

Butter Face (Wonder Dog): Certain lins of dog treats give him bubbly guts. Shoes, but prefers the most smelly of them. Dead stuff from the yard.  Grass. Unattended coffe, but akes him jittery.  Butter (hence the name). Steals food, but prefers, fat, meat. Motto:  Please see MiniMe entry for reference.

And this is what I CAN remember…..Check please!

-Saucy at the Edge

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8 Year Olds…..

March 27, 2011

Big Daddy’s  man cave is full of estrogen.  He’s been relegated to the livingroom to watch march madness and  has to side-step tissue paper and nail polish. He’s not happy but it’s Glamour Rayz birthday, so he’s taking one for the team.  A big one. It’s a spa party sleepover. Ten 8-year-old girls had hair done,  cucumber facials, hands and feet painted, with glow-in-the-dark polish no less. Luckily, since it was a spa party, I served veggies and fruit, along with the chicken on-a-stick. We diverged slightly with m&ms and cheese doodles, but hey they’re 8.

After cake, presents, and a great deal of screaming and giggling, the posse changed into the pjs and ambushed Big Daddy’s man cave with sleeping bags, stuffed animals, and a whole lot of pink. More pink that should ever be allowed in a man cave.  Big Daddy staggered out, “You could have warned me!” “I was going to, but they’re moving too fast. It’s the sugar,” I holler as I run down stairs to contain the madness.  We settled in to watch “Ramona and Beezus.” I’m thinking this is a good movie to hold their attention, so  dim the lights and I park it on the chaise with one of the girls, hoping to catch my breath……

Then Butter Face the Wonder dog comes in and unlike Big Daddy, he isn’t happy about the raucous in the man cave and is not trying to take one for the team.  He saunters over everyone lying on the floor and lies directly on my niece. He likes her sleeping bag. She is NOT pleased. I grab his collar and try to get him to lie on his dog bed behind the Big Daddy’s man chair.  His does his doggy circling thing, but then makes a bee line for my niece.  He has to be escorted from the room. Reset.

Things were going well and then there was some wigglin’ goin’ on down in front. Then there’s more.  I look and one of the girls has slithered into the bottom of her sleeping bags head first and is waving her hand out of that little hole where the zipper starts. And then she sticks her head out of the hole and smiles.  I would have told her to settle down, but I was too busy laughing because she looked like a TOTAL nut cheesing with her head sticking out of her pink camouflage sleeping bag (Pink camo is whole ‘nother blog topic for another day, but I digress).  I get the stink eye from the Pink Ladies for disturbing the movie. Meanwhile “Camo Girl” is still flapping like a bird down. “SHHHHHHHH, quiet down in front!” Order restored. Again.

There’s a scene in the movie where Ramona is talking to her childhood friend, now teenage crush, Henry.  At which point, the girl I’m sitting on the chaise with, who is a tom boy through and through, is the chillest kid on the earth and one of my favorite kids in the world, calmly says, “Sometimes girls get shy about talking to boys when they get older.”

Surprised and amused by the statement, I say,”Oh really, ya think so?”  She replies,”Yep, but they’re easy to talk to when they’re your boyfriend.”

I chuckle. “Really?” and jokingly ask, “You have a boyfriend?”

She nonchalantly replies, “Oh yeah, I have two.”  My jaw drops,” Two???!!!” I started laughing so hard with my mouth closed so as not to disturb the movie that I was shaking.

“Michael and David.  And I’m thinking about gettin’ another one.”  I busted out laughing to the dismay of the Pink Ladies.

Trying not to totally blow my cool, I replied, “well, don’t spread yourself too thin…..”

She shrugged, “hmm, maybe.” 

I’m out.

-Sufficiently Spa’d Out at the Edge

A Little Off The Top…..

April 11, 2010

Note to Self–Don’t EVER say, “You need a haircut,” to a child unless you are on your way to the barber shop or the kiddie hair salon. I did once and woke up to a partially bald second grader.

“You need a hair cut,”  I said innocently after picking Number1Son up from the bus stop on a Friday afternoon. 

I woke up the next morning and went to the bathroom. When I got back to our bedroom and I saw two legs sticking out from my side of the bed, on the floor. “What are you doing down there—-Yowza!”  Number1 stood up while covering his head with his arms.  I saw scalp on most of the left side and one little curl at his hairline and did a sharp inhale. 

“Whaaaaaat did you do? Lemme see.”  He took his arms down and  I busted out laughing. 

“You said I needed a haircut,”  He cries. To which I reply, laughing , “I said you needed a haircut, NOT you need to give yourself a haircut.”

“Big Daddy, Big Daddy, wake up, look!”  BD rolled over, smiled, and chuckled.  I think Number1 was a little taken aback by our reactions, then he was embarrassed and told us not to laugh. “We’ve all done it son.  All kids do it,” BD reassured him. Nothing to do but laugh, really.”  I reassured him that I too had cut my own hair, and then laughed some more.  Number1Son wasn’t amused.

To add to the excitement of it all, Number1 was scheduled to have two staples removed from his head from an injury the previous week. So, we popped a hat on Number1’s head and off we go to the Dr.’s office.  Number1 took off the hat and the doctor got a gander at his self-grooming techniques. Te doctor smiled, “Wow! Keep your day job, young man and stick to cutting paper lest we see you in here for more staples.”

Since the whole left side was scalp and Number1 was due to be in a wedding in two weeks, Big Daddy had no choice but to shave his whole head.  “You look just like Daddy.”You look like the Golden Child,” I say. BD and I have another good laugh.  Number1 is still not amused.

Little did I know Number1Son was setting the precedent for his siblings.  All three of them.

Stay tuned….

Whew…..

January 25, 2010

Happy New Year All!  It has been a bit crazy on edge, but I’m back in the saddle.  Running on all cylinders through the holiday season has left me a bit ragged.  There is a bit of  procrastination thrown in for good measure, which I knew would strike at some point, brought on by self-induced pressure to write, but I’m pushing on through.

I also believe I was a bear in another life and really am supposed to be hibernating during the winter months.  So, pretty much when it’s dark outside, I often feel the need to hold the couch down with all my might.  My children, if they were devious enough, could probably color my hair some ghastly color or make me up like a drag queen if they were so inclined. Instead, they tip around the sofa, so as not to disturb Mamma Bear, and eat weird stuff for dinner and watch way more television than they are supposed to.

Thanks to all for the encouragement/nudge that you missed my writing.  I’m putting the coffee pot on to wake the bear and getting going.  I certainly need to introduce the rest of the super heroes living on the edge with me.  Got loads to share, so stay tuned.


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