Condiments and Sauces, etc…..

March 27, 2011

Never mind keeping track of what people are allergic to or not in my house, I have to worry about who eats what condiments, sauce, yogurt,etc…. Pay attention, there will be a quiz at the end.

Big Daddy:  Hellman’s mayo only, Miracle whip is the devil’s food.  banana peppers, toasted bread-if eating bread, no blood on the plate with the beef, but will eat carpaccio.  American cheese over cheddar on the sandwich.  No couscous because, “it tastes like air.” eggs over pancakes.  Veggies,  veggies, and more veggies.  Meat, meat, and more meat.  fruit, some desserts, but not many. Tea.  No coffee unless its frou-frou.  Ranch dressing.

MiniMe: No salad dressing of any kind.  No condiments on the sandwich, BBQ sauce on everything else.  Lettuce, tomatoes only on sanwiches-not in salads.  Butter on sandwiches, no mayo. Orange juice.  plain milk makes him gag, scrambles eggs, never boiled. Oatmeal. Pancakes.  No fruit-on-the bottom yogurt-must be pre-blended.  Spinach, preferably creamed and most veggies. HAM! Shrimp. Loves sweet potatoes, but will eat white potatoes.  Prefers Alfredo sauce over tomato sauce, but will eat them mixed or separate, doesn’t care.  Previously didn’t like onions, not will eat them on a sandwich.  Will eat plain cabbage  and raw potatoes.  Gravy on the meat, but not the starch. Now likes spicy foods.  Motto: If not nailed down, it will be eaten.

Whirling Dervish: Nothing with a weird texture-No oatmeal, pudding, and only some smoothies. Baked potatoes, no sweet potatoes.  Meat! No fish other than how Grandpa Poppy makes it (fried).  Gluten-free diet.  Rice gives her headaches.  Boiled eggs, scrambled eggs, but favorite are fried but is not a breakfast eater. Milk.  Will eat deviled eggs without paprika.  No nuts, but likes peanut butter.  Prefers Alfredo sauce over tomato sauce, will eat pink sauce. White Bean Soup is favorite.  No shrimp.  Yogurt prefered from a tube, rather than a container.  Cheese, cheese, and more cheese. Corn in any form. No spinach, creamed or otherwise. Gravy on the starch, sometimes the meat. Beans.

Glamour Rayz:  The tangier the better.  Dill pickles by the jar.  Boiled eggs, but only the whites, but will eat deviled eggs.  Baked potato, but no skin on it. Makes her own pesto sauce.  No Alfredo sauce, but will eat tomato or Pink sauce. No crusts ont he sandwiches. Prefers chocolate milk.  Cheeseburgers plain.  Hot dogs with no bun.  Gravy on meat and starch.  Has a sweet tooth.  Syrup and powdered sugar on the waffles.  Likes spicy stuff.  No peas, will tolerate green beans.  Salad either plain or with Italian dressing depending on the mood.  Likes ice in all drinks.

Butter Face (Wonder Dog): Certain lins of dog treats give him bubbly guts. Shoes, but prefers the most smelly of them. Dead stuff from the yard.  Grass. Unattended coffe, but akes him jittery.  Butter (hence the name). Steals food, but prefers, fat, meat. Motto:  Please see MiniMe entry for reference.

And this is what I CAN remember…..Check please!

-Saucy at the Edge

8 Year Olds…..

March 27, 2011

Big Daddy’s  man cave is full of estrogen.  He’s been relegated to the livingroom to watch march madness and  has to side-step tissue paper and nail polish. He’s not happy but it’s Glamour Rayz birthday, so he’s taking one for the team.  A big one. It’s a spa party sleepover. Ten 8-year-old girls had hair done,  cucumber facials, hands and feet painted, with glow-in-the-dark polish no less. Luckily, since it was a spa party, I served veggies and fruit, along with the chicken on-a-stick. We diverged slightly with m&ms and cheese doodles, but hey they’re 8.

After cake, presents, and a great deal of screaming and giggling, the posse changed into the pjs and ambushed Big Daddy’s man cave with sleeping bags, stuffed animals, and a whole lot of pink. More pink that should ever be allowed in a man cave.  Big Daddy staggered out, “You could have warned me!” “I was going to, but they’re moving too fast. It’s the sugar,” I holler as I run down stairs to contain the madness.  We settled in to watch “Ramona and Beezus.” I’m thinking this is a good movie to hold their attention, so  dim the lights and I park it on the chaise with one of the girls, hoping to catch my breath……

Then Butter Face the Wonder dog comes in and unlike Big Daddy, he isn’t happy about the raucous in the man cave and is not trying to take one for the team.  He saunters over everyone lying on the floor and lies directly on my niece. He likes her sleeping bag. She is NOT pleased. I grab his collar and try to get him to lie on his dog bed behind the Big Daddy’s man chair.  His does his doggy circling thing, but then makes a bee line for my niece.  He has to be escorted from the room. Reset.

Things were going well and then there was some wigglin’ goin’ on down in front. Then there’s more.  I look and one of the girls has slithered into the bottom of her sleeping bags head first and is waving her hand out of that little hole where the zipper starts. And then she sticks her head out of the hole and smiles.  I would have told her to settle down, but I was too busy laughing because she looked like a TOTAL nut cheesing with her head sticking out of her pink camouflage sleeping bag (Pink camo is whole ‘nother blog topic for another day, but I digress).  I get the stink eye from the Pink Ladies for disturbing the movie. Meanwhile “Camo Girl” is still flapping like a bird down. “SHHHHHHHH, quiet down in front!” Order restored. Again.

There’s a scene in the movie where Ramona is talking to her childhood friend, now teenage crush, Henry.  At which point, the girl I’m sitting on the chaise with, who is a tom boy through and through, is the chillest kid on the earth and one of my favorite kids in the world, calmly says, “Sometimes girls get shy about talking to boys when they get older.”

Surprised and amused by the statement, I say,”Oh really, ya think so?”  She replies,”Yep, but they’re easy to talk to when they’re your boyfriend.”

I chuckle. “Really?” and jokingly ask, “You have a boyfriend?”

She nonchalantly replies, “Oh yeah, I have two.”  My jaw drops,” Two???!!!” I started laughing so hard with my mouth closed so as not to disturb the movie that I was shaking.

“Michael and David.  And I’m thinking about gettin’ another one.”  I busted out laughing to the dismay of the Pink Ladies.

Trying not to totally blow my cool, I replied, “well, don’t spread yourself too thin…..”

She shrugged, “hmm, maybe.” 

I’m out.

-Sufficiently Spa’d Out at the Edge

Side Effects Include…..

March 24, 2011

Disclaimer:  Take any and all medications prescribed by your health care provider/s.  I’m not a medical professional, I just play one on TV.  Just yammering on.  Now that’s is out-of-the-way…..

I love how the commercials for meds have a voice quickly rattle off the list of side effects for a particular drug.  And the voice is always sooooo pleasant, particularly while mentioning that eye-twitching, unconscious eating, neck fur, burning, itching, blisters, nausea, vomiting, dizziness, fainting, mood swings, heart attacks, strokes, suicidal thoughts, and even death could result. Makes me want to make a bee line to the pharmacy. It’s a wonder anyone takes medication. 

My favorite is the oily discharge.  This one results from taking those fat blocker drugs when working on weight management.  It was also a warning when eating those WOW chip that were fat blockers. Wow is right!  I had thought about trying said weight loss medication, but this particular side effect gave me SERIOUS pause. Humans were not meant to ooze anything. From anywhere.  That would be all I need to be chowin’ down at work, eating some fat blocker chips with my cheeseburger and just spewing like an oil rig in the gulf of Mexico. Mud butt is acceptable on small children, and even then it’s gross.  Yeow!

Nacho lube is not worth ANYTHING  one is trying to get rid of no matter what the heck is wrong with ya. Ever.

-Fat and Happy at the Edge

Kind and Decent……

March 22, 2011

I went to pick up MiniMe from a birthday party last week, and the mother of the birthday girl commented on how polite, well-mannered, and nice he is.  I thanked her, quietly chuckling to myself, thinking, of course he is, he knows better. I guess because we expect our children to act right in public, we’re used to it. We expect them to, in the words of Jamie Foxx and his grandmother, “…Act like you got some sense…act like you’ve been somewhere.”

They do act crazy when they’re home, and they do drive each other insane on the regular, but as long as they pull it together out in public, we’re all good. If not, there are consequences that they do not get to choose, so think twice when making choices, and use good judgement.

Don’t embarrass the family is one of the few rules we have at the Edge. We set this expectation early on and for the most part, the young super heroes have met and exceeded that expectation.

When I was in parent-teacher conferences last week and the first thing out every single teacher’s mouth that I met with “Your child is a wonderful human being….,” my heart swelled with pride. Yes, of course the grades are important, but who they are, how they behave, and how they treat people, are just as important, if not more so. And while we always shoot for perfection, we explain that no one is perfect. What we are shooting for is independent, responsible human beings that are kind and decent people who will eventually make pos.

So far, so good.  And it’s nice to know that other folks see it too.

In The Cult…..

March 21, 2011

Not Amway

I admit it.  I’m in the Harry Potter cult.  I have read all fo the books three times and seen the movies countless ones(Thank you ABC Family for the marathons, I’m forever yours).  Granted, I am not on the Executive Board of the cult or anything. I didn’t dress up to attend the book releases and don’t dress up when going to the movies, though I do go to the first showings at midnight because I can’t wait until daylight. We have been to Alnwick Castle, the filming location for the first two films and stayed ont he hotel in Scotland where the series was finished (that wasn’t calculated, just coincidental. :))

Big Daddy and the superheroes talk about me bad.  And I deserve it, I do.  We went to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal Studios Orlando.  You’d a thought I was a teenage girl at a Justin Bieber concert.  I had to let my family go ahead of me. I was verklempt, speechless.  I had goose bumps. I berated MiniMe for trying to buy Slytherin gear in the gift shop with a, “Uh no, you can’t buy that. Slytherin is bad, Gryffindor is good.”  To which, he responded, and rather loudly I might add, “Momma, you’re a nerd!”

I do love the story.  While they have seen the movies,  they have not read the books.  I tell my children that it’s not about the magic, the witches and wizards.  Those are just backdrops to a story about a boy who learns about friendship, loyalty, finding family where you don’t have one, finding courage and strength within, and believing in yourself.

They aren’t buyin’ it and still look at me like I need a little white jacket with the pretty buckles on the back. I am starting the series again.

The final film is coming out on July 15th.

I’ll be there at midnight.

Stress Reduction……

March 20, 2011

I’m a firm believer in therapy and therapeutic drugs should one need them.  But for my general mental health, there’s nothing better than a little boob tube for my weekly therapy.

It’s Sunday night.  Time to get my weekly cry on, relieve some stress. First, it was the Extreme Home Makeover. Big Daddy and I, along with the kids, would settle in to hear the family’s story. Both softies at heart and feeling compassion for the trials and tribulations, inevitably, our eyes would well up, reminded that while our life at the Edge might be crazy, we have a great deal to be thankful for. The young super heroes would mock us and our sappiness.

Now it’s Secret Millionaire. It’s always interesting to see the people of means arrive at the airport to pick up their car and drive to the ‘hood.  They also have to live off approximately $45 a week, the average amount of food stamps.  The moving part is the folks and the organizations that they come in contact with that despite seemingly insurmountable odds, with faith and hope, believe the world can be a better place by giving of oneself to make it so.  And then their faces when the millionaire returns with a donation is moving. Again, it reminds us that they are good people out there, rich with money, and rich with grace.  We tell our children that everyone needs help at some point or another, and even the smallest amount of help can make a world of difference.

Thursdays are the night to get my laugh on.  All evening, TruTv has shows about the dumbest people and the dumbest people tricks, or rather attempts at tricks, from around the world. It’s the Smoking Gun’s Dumbest series and they make me laugh so hard, I can’t breathe. These people have got to be out of their minds, and what comes to mind every time  I watch those shows is, just because you can doesn’t mean you should.  These clowns do asinine stunts like trying to ride down stairs in a shopping cart, or a back flip off a vending machine. I know the medical profession watches these shows with dollar signs in their eyes because these numb nuts are keeping the medical profession afloat.  You have to wonder how proud their parents must be that their children are showing to the world that paper is smarter than they are.  We remind the young super heroes not to try any of that nonsense at home. Or elsewhere for that matter. I guess I should be thankful for the TruTV crowd, though, since they are lowering my blood pressure and stress levels on a weekly basis.

-Cryin’ and Laughin’ at the Edge

Weapon of Mass Destruction…….

March 17, 2011

Butter Face

Cute isn’t he?  Don’t be fooled by the floppy ears, and the little eyebrows. This is Butter Face the Wonder Dog and he STINKS! We got him from the folks at Lucky Dog Animal Rescue (www.luckydoganimalrescue.org).  He got us, lookin’ all cute and cuddly.  He did all the adorable puppy things; licking the young superheroes on the nose, chasing the squeak toys, turning his head, and doing those doggy yoga stretches.  I walked out of the kitchen and left the butter on the counter.  Big mistake.  He came around the corner with butter on his chin. Soooooooo, so cute! And then he busted butt.

I knew dogs broke wind.  My best friend had great danes when we were growing up, so I was not new to the doggy gas thing.  But Butter Face was a whole ‘nother story.  My nose hair were singed and I felt light-headed.

People kept asking me if my dog got car sick.  Thankfully, he doesn’t. I’m not sure I could handle my dog barfing in the ride and my superheros really wouldn’t appreciate it either.  Imagine the mayhem that would ensue with the kids trying to jump ship and the dog hoppin’ around in the auto. What he does get while riding in the car is gas. Wicked, WICKED gas.  It is wrong on a whole bunch of levels.

Ya know it’s bad when the humans in the car stick their heads out of the window when Butter Face lets it rip.  He stands with his front paws on the storage compartment between the front seat, looking out the front window, his tongue wagging, leaning on me.  And then Blammo! He drops a bomb that could melt steel.

H-E-L-PUH MEEEEEEEE!  As I gasp for air, I have to slam down all four of the automatic window buttons as my children scratch on the glass trying to escape.  We all lean out the window, trying to inhale fresh air, hoping the toxic waste in the vehicle will dissipate before frostbite or heat stroke sets in depending on the season, before we can clear our lungs. I guess I should be thankful he’s not leaving these foul, malodorous clouds wafting through the house, but the vehicle is such a confined space that concentrates the offense exponentially. Daaaaayuuum!

I’m thinking we should loan him to the armed forces. He could work it like Snoopy, with some goggles and a scarf. Afterall, he is part beagle.  They could strap him on the under belly of a fighter jet and when the time comes, give him a doggy treat, and let him rip it like a crop duster. Rat-a-tat-tat-tat!  He could fall a small country in seconds. He would be the pride of the nation.

Well, maybe not the nation, but we at the Edge would certainly be proud of him.  Stinky bum and all.

Out of Gas……

March 16, 2011

Over the past year and particularly, in the past couple of days, I’ve gotten emails and Facebook event requests to join the “Gas War.” While I understand the intention behind the information, there’s a couple of things that we have to consider.

The Gas War email/invite has been circulating since 2001. The gist of it is that if we and the 300 million other people who are to get the same email, do not buy gas on Wednesdays, this will reduce the oil company profits which will force them to lower the gas prices. But here’s the deal. So we don’t buy the gas on Wednesday. We still have to buy the gas on the other days of the week, so basically all this does is shift the profits to say Tuesday or Thursday, rather than Wednesday. The oil companies will still be making their money, they will just have less for their bean counters to do on Wednesday, or rather Thursday morning. The other bit that doesn’t work is that most gas stations are independently owned and operated, which means the oil companies aren’t getting hurt, the small, local business owner gets hurt.

So how do we get the gas prices to go down? To put a dent in gas consumption, folks would have to do a few things(from MSNBC.COM):

1) STEP OFF THE PEDALS: Don’t punch the gas or slam on the brakes. This could reduce gas consumption on average by up to 31 percent.

2) SLOW DOWN: As our speedometer creeps over 60, our gas efficiency drops dramatically. Depending on how big your lead foot is, you can save anywhere from 7 to 23 percent. There’s only a 7 minute difference in arrival time when dropping your speed from 70 mph to 55 mph on a 30-mile trip.

3) FILL ‘ER UP/EMPTY ‘ER OUT: Fill up your tires that is. Change your oil filter regularly. And get that junk out of your trunk.

With the first two, especially, it means that some of us need to leave earlier, right? We gas around on two wheels cutting the time close to get to our destinations. Figuring out travel time and adding say 10 or 15 minutes might help us cut down on consumption so we’re not pulling off the light like we’re at the pole position at Daytona. I’m guessing it’s will probably help lower our stress levels as well. Just a thought.

The really big way to lower gas prices is to lower consumption, to lower demand, which means we have to find ways to decrease our usage. Maybe the GAS WAR should be that once a week, we carpool, or walk, take public transportation, or find some alternative method of transportation that will cut consumption.

Necessity Breeds…….

March 15, 2011

Chicken, what to do with the chicken? I’ve been saying this to myself for the past three days, knowing chicken was on the menu for tonight. I’m more of a beef and pork kinda gal. At one point I even stopped eating chicken altogether for a few years, because it just got too fleshy for me. But, since it is supposedly healthier than pork and beef, I started up again. But I digress. Back to this evening. So I went to Foodtv.com. for a new recipe. I was looking for something different and I figured Rachel Ray would have something good and fast, you know 30 minutes and all that jazz.

Honey Nut Chicken Sticks. Sounded interesting, different and I had some honey nut cereal for the coating, along with the rest of the required ingredients. Because the superhero posse is hungry all the time and they’re growing at the speed of light, I doubled the recipe, doubled the ingredients. Got to dredging, and dipping, and coating and ran out of coating with 3/4 of my chicken naked. And I don’t have all the ingredients to make the same coating. Hhmmmmm……..

The good thing is that my parents taught me how to cook, really cook. So I got to work, or as Big Daddy calls it, “my mad scientist mode”, making up a coating for my chicken out of what I had in the pantry. With Whirling Dervish and I on the gluten-free train, the wheels got to screeching and smokin’. Shazaam!

1/4 bag of Cool Ranch Doritos is it for coating number 2. Out came the meat pounder and those Doritos were crumbed in seconds and my stress level was a bit lower as well. But I still didn’t have enough for all my chicken. Whirling Dervish was helping me cook and looked at me liked I had lost a marble or two, and I said, ” Necessity breeds invention my dear.” She still looked puzzled. “Ya got to work with whatcha got, sister.”

With Whirling still eyeing me suspiciously, and in that same snack food vain, I went with microwave popcorn. Orville Rendenbacher to the rescue! I popped the corn, then threw it in food processor with some herbs and spices an a bit of olive oil. And voila, popcorn coating for my naked fowl. Salad and buttered leftover pasta rounded out the chicken tender buffet. Bring on the grub!

And the verdict? Cool Ranch Doritos won, followed up by Orville Redenbacher. Rachel Ray’s Honey Nut coating was good, but brought up the rear because the spice level was too high for the young superheros. Big Daddy and I will have to finish those off.

And so my invention, which I’m sure someone else came up with before, is a keeper. Superheros were sufficiently nourished and quite impressed with my on the spot creativity.

Final score: Edge one, chicken zero! Bring on da bird, baby!

Drinks That Get You Going in the Morning…..

March 7, 2011

I am trying to figure out how often and how much to write on this blog. My family provides a great deal of fodder, but sometimes the events/ordeals/situations need to marinate to allow them to become more poigniant or amusing. So in the meantime, feeling like I needed to post, I went to my browser and typed in “blog topics.” A number of topic generators were returned in my search and I visited a few of them and clicked the buttons. And then, “Drinks that get you going in the morning” popped up. Well, well, well….

I’m sure the intent was breakfast drinks, but of course, that is soooooo not where my mind went. And before y’all get ready to do an intervention, It was just where my mind went, that’s it. Not that I haven’t thought about having a mojito with my cereal now and again when the craziness level rises, whether it IS five o’clock somewhere or not, but even I couldn’t pull that one off without some eyebrow raising here at the Edge. The only time that there is an exception to that rule is while we are on vacation, where the only rule is that kids under the age of 18 are not allowed on the pool deck without an adult present. (Hell, sometimes adults shouldn’t be allowed on the pool deck without adult supervision.) Otherwise, if the young super heroes want to have birthday cake for breakfast, great, because Momma Crazy will be having wine with her gluten free pancakes and Big Daddy will be having a beer with his steak and eggs.

We do actually make smoothies in the a.m. sometimes because they’re simple and quick and I get to use my immulsion blender which I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. It’s like a girlie power tool–feel the burn! I feel like I should bedazzle it or something, but that’s for another post. Here’s our basic smoothie recipe:

1 cup plain Greek yogurt (this adds protein)
1 cup of milk
1 cup of fruit (we use fresh fruit such as berries, bananas or frozen(mixed berries, strawberries, mangoes)
1 teaspoon of vanilla extract
Honey to taste

Mix in the blender or with your immulsion mixer until well blended. Yumminess in a glass!

This totally dates me, but I also like an “Orange Julius.” My young super heroes not so much, but hey it’s about me on this one. 🙂

6 ounces frozen orange juice concentrate
1/2 cup whole milk
1/2 cup water
1/4 cup sugar
1/4 teaspoon vanilla
5 -6 ice cubes

Enjoy! Let me know how your smoothies are and I’ll let you know how my mojito is…….


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