Archive for October, 2011

No Trickin’……

October 29, 2011
The Original Monster Mash

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I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Halloween!  I’m glad my birthday is in the same month and not too far away from the Big Candy Day that I have often had Halloween birthday parties. Usually I trick my house out with some really cool decorations, do my pumpkin carving, and play my cd with Monster Mash, purple people eater, and such. This year, I  got my light-up signs in the my windows and my string of ghost lights up, though not in their usual place on my mantle,and the girls and I did get a few pumpkins carved, but that was all the trickin’ out I did this year.  And I think that’s why I’ve been slogging through this month.  I’m bummed….

This was confirmed by my friend, Momma Lime.  She said the same thing happened to her last year when she didn’t put up her Halloween decorations. And the 31st was a bust last year. The neighborhood gathering was ill-planned and uncoordinated, which for me, who had gotten my stuff up early and had been pumped all month waiting for the day, was a big disappointment(the kids didn’t care, but I did).  So, this year, it’s me, the Debbie Downer of Halloween Decor.  I think it’s because Halloween kicks off the decorating season in our house, where we regularly change our decorations from October through the new year. And we love to decorate; Halloween, Thanksgiving, and especially Christmas. Our kick-off was more like a stubbed toe this go around. To top off my sluggishness, it snowed today. Truly an Eeyore moment for me.

So, thank you Momma Lime for bringing me into the jack-o-lantern light about why I have to start the holiday season off right with my Halloween decorations up, to light the way into the new year. Getting my fall decorations and spirits ready to go for November and getting giddy about what December brings.

-a Mini-Boo from the Edge

Assuhdraggin’……..

October 26, 2011

Stop I want to get off.  Life a the Edge is always crazy, but for some reason it seems to be more so that usual.  Between the superheroes and their activities, Butterface and his walking/dogpark needs, work-gone crazy and my inability to say no, I feel like I’m gonna bust.  It doesn’t help that my ass is uhdraggin in the midst of it all.

I think I was a bear in a previous life.  And my inner bear has been calling from within of late as I feel like I want to hibernate something fierce.  I thought with my recent forays into the gym at work, my energy level would be up.  I have noticed a power surge now and again(not of the hormonal kind!), and have been sleeping better for the most part, though I’m still snoring like its my job.  But I feel like I’m ready to curl up for a long snooze in my little cave at the Edge.  This is beyond my regular, “Damn I need to go to bed early since I get up at O darkhundred!” 

Thank GOD for coffee!  Three cheers for coffee-Wee hee, Woo hoo, yipeeee! It is the nectar of the gods.  I wonder can I get it to come out of the shower head to wash over me, to take it in through all my pores for maximum absorption.  Lightbulb moment!  Hey, maybe my arse is not draggin’ so much afterall! Unforetold Riches!  Woo Hoo! Yea-uh!

…..Okay, bring it back. I might be a little delusional from being so run down.

So maybe a little hibernating wouldn’t be so bad.  Of course We all know that ain’t happenin’, cause the Tribe called, “Crazy” won’t even let me power nap on the couch for 20.  Only 15 more years until Glamour Rayz leaves for college.  Huhn….a girl can dream.

On Crazy Overload,

Edge

Accidents……

October 21, 2011

So I’m out walking Butterface this morning, it’s 6:00am and I’m in my requisite white, so as to be seen. Someone in an oversized pick-up truck, obviously overcompensating for some baby man parts,
comes speeding up the hill, gets right up on me, then honks. WTF???!!!

It was on one of the main roads in my ‘hood that doesn’t have sidewalks.  The speed limit is 25 mph, but clearly this clown was moving at a far faster clip. People that don’t live in our neighborhood often cut through to avoid traffic on the nearby freeway.  Clearly, they don’t give a flying fluffernutter about the folks who actually live here.

So, my wild imagination takes over and I have a vision of an  accident on this road, where the pick-up truck driver, who has just mowed down a pedestrian, is all upset and crying, telling the police officer, ” I’m soooo sorry, it was an accident!  I’m soooo sorry!”

Is it really an “accident” if you’re flying through a residential neighborhood going 65 mph on a road with a posted limit of 25?

I’ll remember to tell the officer is was an “accident” too, when the officer comes to arrest me for strangling your stupid ass because you were too inconsiderate to slow down.

Stepping of my soapbox now,

Edge

Attention Fellow Garage Patron……

October 8, 2011

Date: Today and going forth until the end of time

Attention Fellow Garage Patrons,

It has come to my attention, as a fellow patron of the Land Down Under, that you may not have been informed as to proper “garage” etiquette.  So, to assist you in your transition or refresh your memory, if you have been here for a while, but have had some lapses in judgement, here are a few tips that might be helpful in your daily parking execution.

* The lines between the spaces are not to be UNDER your vehicle, EVER. Rather, there should be two of those pretty cheesy colored lines on either side of your car. Your car tires should be equidistant from the lines on both sides, not touching them. If I have to go through my sunroof AGAIN to get into my car because you don’t know what equidistant means and can’t park in the middle of the space, I’ll make sure to hop up on your hood to get into my car.  For the record, I ain’t little. Again, BETWEEN the cheese sticks, NOT on the cheese sticks.

*If your vehicle is sticking out of a space marked “Compact Cars Only” by a two and half feet,  your car/truck/bus/moonrover is NOT compact size, and you’re blocking the aisle! Of course, if you like parking in those spaces with your “compact car,” I’ll gladly take off your front end with my big ass SUV as I try to manuever through the garage to get to the space for my big ass SUV. You know the ones not marked “Compact Cars Only.”

*Conversely, if you DO own a compact car, please park in the spaces indicated for your vehicle size.  If your car is in a space that looks like it can fit three more cars in it along with yours (and still not be over the lines-see first bullet), then please troll on over to the spaces for the Matchbox cars.  If those spaces are full, please feel free to call me and I can park your car inside my big ass SUV.  If turned on its side, your car should slide in quite nicely. If driving the new Fiat 500, we can squeeze two in.

*For those veteran parkers, I know were all adults here, but I’m calling “Same Seats!” If you park in a regular space, then park there.  No need to wander over to my usual spot, just cause you want to sit with the cool kids or try something new.  Please note the previous references to the big ass SUV.  If you continue parking in my space, me and my big ass SUV will help you back to your regular one. Beat it, buster! I mean it. To newcomers who accidentally park in my space, you get a one-day free pass. If you’re in my space two days in a row, you will be treated like a veteran interloper. In which case, please reference this bullet from the beginning. Consider this your friendly reminder. And I use the word “friendly” lightly. Very lightly.

I hope you find these tips helpful in assisting you in your daily excursions into the our little slice of combustible heaven.  Thank you and have a pleasant day (not in my parking spot)!

Riding the Line,

Edge


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