Since I rise before the chickens to do the first round of waking the dead for school, I take Butter Face for his morning stroll through the ‘hood. Ours is a tranquil little hamlet with great neighbors, who greet each other on the street, awesome families (Shout out to the Pool Ladies Book Club AKA The Mommy Mafia), and regular routines. There’s the “Walker Lady” who speeds through the neighborhood hoofin’ it to the bus stop on the main road. And the “Beige Man.” He walks his beige dog, in his beige coat and pants, wearing his brown hat and shoes. Everyday. And so the routine went yesterday. Or so I thought.
It was Thursday, Trash Day. It was recycle day as well. And so, Butter Face and I took our usual stroll, weaving through the forest of green cans and bins. At least for half of us, who use the same trash company. Trash Day is blissfully routine in suburbia.
It was early; the sun wasn’t quite up. It was just casting a pink and orange glow through the trees. I hadn’t had my coffee yet. Thankfully, the dog was on auto-pilot. He knows the drill- up the street, take a left, walk up the block, make a left, up that street, another left, along one of the main roads, then take a right. Ahhhh, routine. Go dog go.
We were halfway past the first left, when I saw this from a distance.…..
Oh, look, a cat on the trash can. I wonder if Butter Face sees him. He’s not moving-wait! That’s not a cat! Is that a bobcat?! What the heck??!!! It’s a stuffed bobcat in a trashcan!
Mesmerized, I had to get a closer look, because really, it’s not every day you see a mounted bobcat on the curb. Right?
And so my mind went…
Eeeeew, that thing’s been through the ringer. It’s got fur missing and looks all mangy. Who HAS this in their house(Clearly, these are neighbors that I don’t know)! Oooh, I wonder if they shot it. And where. Was it home stuffed or professionally done? I hope they didn’t stuff it lookin’ like that because that was a waste of money.
This is way too much to process this early in the morning without coffee. But I couldn’t take my eyes off it.
Butter Face, on the other hand, was FREAKED! He was yankin’ at his leash, he couldn’t get away fast enough. He would have dug to China through the sidewalk if I had stood there too much longer.
Then my mind went to what the conversation was when contemplating throwing this little gem into the trash….
“Hattie! You seen my bobcat? It was right here…. HATTIE! Woman, where’s m’ bobcat??!!.”
“Willard, it was time. That ol’ ratty thing had to go, sitting in here collecting dust and such. I put him out in the trash this morning.”
“You did what, woman? That was my daddy’s bobcat!”
“You’re absolutely right, Willard. So, I sent it to be with your daddy. May they both rest in peace.”
Boy, I really did need coffee.
And Butter Face needed a tranquilizer.
-Routinous Interruptus at the Edge