Archive for January, 2011

Ego Trip……..

January 20, 2011

There was a segment on the news this morning about a woman who was going to sue the mall, at which she is employed, where she fell into a fountain because she was texting and wasn’t watching where she was going. The video from a security camera is shown (repeatedly) and on it you can hear the security guards laughing in the background. In the tape, the woman, luckily with no apparent injuries, grabs her cell phone(can’t leave that!), steps out of the fountain, and quickly exits the camera’s view. Allegedly (I watch enough Law & Order to know I need to put that in there to cover my own hind parts), one of the security guards was allowed to copy the video to a private cell phone.  That guard then uploaded the video onto YouTube. And away it went. As of today, the video has had almost 2 million hits. During the segment alone, the network showed the clip at least ten times. I laughed every time the video was shown.

And so the woman, and her attorney appeared on television this morning indicating that she was pursuing the possibility of suing the mall. She admitted that it was funny and embarrassing, but that the guards did not come to her aid, she could have been hurt, and that it shouldn’t have gone on the internet. I laughed even harder. Was she serious???!!!

Here’s my take on this whole fiasco…..

If this woman was so embarrassed by this experience, why go on national television to exponentially add to the humiliation, to say that you’re suing the mall. Why not just sue the mall? And frankly, her face was obscured on the video, since she was looking down while texting and walking, so why not just deny it if asked. Then it would have been a random video on YouTube, and people would have been none-the-wiser. If she wants to sue someone, maybe she should sue her eye doctor for not testing her peripheral vision. One should see a gigantic fountain in the middle of the corridor, over the top of their phone screen, if her vision is working properly, no? And she worked at the mall, so I’m thinking she’d seen that fountain before. And don’t most of us learn in Kindergarten to, “walk on the right,” not up the middle. Just sayin’……

But there are far better ways to get your 15 minutes of fame. I’m guessing, she feels like a royal moron. But to make herself feel better, she going to take it out on the mall?  Why not sue the fountain company while she’s at it?  I was taught that if someone falls, check to see if she’s okay, and if she is, then laugh. She fell, she got up and ran off, seemingly okay from what we saw on the video.  So, learn your lesson and have a good laugh. Hell, I busted myself up skateboarding(see 2/2010 post-“I Killed Mommy”).  My husband laughed at me, or rather with me, while I was lying on the ground with a dislocated and fractured shoulder.  Granted my incident was not blasted out over the internet, but hey, it’s the voyeur age we live in and she was in the wrong place at the wrong time.  And will forever be, “Fountain Girl.”

On the flip side, she’s right. However funny the incident, the security guards, a security guard, any security guard, someone official, should have gone to the scene, or tried to locate her to make sure that she was okay.  She could have done more damage, than bruising her ego and wetting up her phone.  She could have cracked her head open or knocked her teeth out.  Luckily, she didn’t. The guards should be embarrassed about not coming to the aid of a mall patron or employee and this only fuels the idea that security guards in malls are of no value and are themselves laughable wastes of space and oxygen. I wouldn’t say if it were my mother, since she won’t even use her phone for making calls, but if it were my mother, I would hope that someone, especially someone whose job it is to at least assist with public safety in the mall, would come to her aid.

There is a scene in the movie, “The Runaway Bride,” that is a reminder to us all.  It’s the scene at the town luau, where the folks giving toasts are taking shots at the main character, Maggie, for leaving more than a few grooms at that altar.  Richard Gere’s character, Ike Graham, gives the toast…..”May you find yourselves the bull’s eye of an easy target.  May you be publicly flogged for all of your bad choices and may your noses to rubbed in all of your mistakes…”

Just because we can post videos of other people making fools of themselves, whether on purpose or not, doesn’t necessarily mean that we should.  After all, it could beyou next time. Or your mother…..


On Meditation…..

January 12, 2011

I DO NOT meditate. I can’t. People always tell me I should meditate, it will relieve stress. First of all, the whole time I’m supposed to be meditating, I’m thinking about all the things I’m supposed to be doing while I’m wasting time meditating. On the other extreme, I’m soooooo relaxed that I nod off and start snoring like I’m getting paid. Same thing with the Yoga. And wrapping my leg around my neck is relaxing, how??!! Mojitos and chocolate work just as well.

It must be psychological because every time I’d go into yoga class, my stomach would start to gurgle. It was like my stomach could sense what I was about to do and think,” Hey, it’s yoga class, time to break some wind up in here, yea-uh, baby!” It would seem as though just prior to entering, I had eaten a troth of beans wrapped in cabbage with a little sprinkling of broccoli on top for good measure. And frankly, some good noisy fartin’ just makes me laugh. So here’s me in my last yoga class…

Whew, made it. Was almost late, but I l’m good…oh right, I need to focus, get my chi in order….pulling my feet in, leaning forward to touch my head to my feet….pzzzzt…ooooh damn, that one snuck out. Ewww, that smells like cabbage…oh I need to get some cabbage for dinner tomorrow night. We also need, potatoes, cereal, eggs, oh dang, bring it back around, focus, focus, damn it…..okay, downward facing dog, I like this pose since I can actually….my toes look like I been kickin’ flour and I need a pedicure like nobody’s business….did I wear my good strechy pants or the ones with the hole in the butt crack….shit, focus!….okay, okay, side angle pose, or whatever that was she said, “Uhitta Poriskova,” oh wait isn’t that a tennis player….and so my mind goes.

As I’m dropped down into the garland pose, I started bustin’ ass all the way down to the floor, and this one could curl the toes on a dead man. And then I start laughing ’cause that one felt great, two it was loud and the loud ones always make me laugh, and three the face on the woman behind me was priceless. Clearly this form of stress relief ain’t for me. I’m out. I think I heard them clapping upon my departure. I hope they get their toes stuck in their nostrils.

I decided to stick with mojitos and chocolate instead…..

Here’s to the prefect year!

January 12, 2011

Happy 2011!  I know a number of people who are quite glad to see 2010 go. Whatever your take on 2010, c’est la vie, it’s done.

In her book, “Being Perfect,” by Anna Quindlen, she tells us to leave the “perfection trap” behind. That trap requires us to live and be for other people; our families, our friends, and our colleagues, and not for ourselves. We live according to what society dictates.  To add to the madness, the trap changes depending on time and place. When we’re young, we wanted to please our parents.  As we get older, we need to keep up with our peers. Then it’s to be the wife, mother, and neighbor that we’ve all read about or seen in Norman Rockwell paintings. Quindlen wisely tells us to put down the backpack filled of perfection bricks and live for ourselves.  For when we do that, we will be our very best version.  She encourages us, while making decisions, to give the answer, “for me.” Our choices should be a reflection of who we are and what we want out of our lives, not what other people think they should be or require. And if our choices are, then they will truly be fulfilling and rich in meaning, and true reflections of our own uniqueness.

While I’ve never been one to subscribe to being perfect, we all in some form do things and make decisions based on others perceptions or societal conformity requirements.  Some of those requirements, I’m all about.  We should be required, whether by law or peer pressure, to wear clothing in the appropriate settings.  I’m not really trying to see a colleague’s danglies as he’s off to a meeting and I’m certain he can’t handle all of my zaftig wonder. But decisions about whether or not I should over extend myself to be the involved parent, to not say, “no,” or to keep up with the Jones’ are of what Quindlen speaks.

So rather than make resolutions, that inevitably fall by the wayside and make me feel like there was something I forgot to do….again, I’m deciding to free myself and be perfectly me. I hope the year is perfect for you too….

%d bloggers like this: