Hitchcock Revisited…..

I live in the woods and we’ve got all sorts or critters and creatures roaming the neighborhood. I love nature, I really do. But I love it outside in its own habitat, not in mine.  Especially, my truck.

I had gone to pick up my mother-in-law, Ma, the supergrandma, from the train station.  It was early June, so we had the windows down in the truck, getting some fresh air. As I am on the ramp to merge onto the highway, I see them.  The birds….

There’s three of them, flitting through the sky.  As Ma was starting to fill me on the goings  on back home, I saw the birds take a dive, looking like they were going to do a fly by right past my windshield.  I thought, “They’re awfully close….they’re not going to make it!”

Two birds shoot right across the windshield. The other, ends up in my truck…..and is fighting with my mother-in-law.  Everyone’s screaming: me; Ma; the bird; everyone.  It looked like a down pillow had exploded. There are feathers flying everywhere, so much so that I couldn’t see and had to pull off the road. 

I stopped the truck and my mother-in-law and I jumped out and ran around to the back. I stopped dead in my tracks and almost wet my pants.  Ma was standing there, her whole head was covered in feathers.  She looked like a bald eagle. She couldn’t see herself and I couldn’t stop laughing to tell her.  I pointed to the back window of the truck, then she saw herself with her feathered swim cap on.

After we finally stopped laughing, we had to figure out how to get the bird out of the car before he gave himself brain damage trying to fly straight through the front window. He kept trying to take off and kept hitting his head on the glass.  I opened the back of the truck to see what we could use.  I’m a mother of 4, there is always stuff in my car.  Mini pylons would have to do. She took one and I took one. Wearing them like Captain Hook rejects, we race back around to the front of the car, all the while feathers are flying off my mother-in-law’s head.  She could have given a great science lesson on molting.

After a few futile minutes of me and her shooing through the open windows and the bird still banging his noggin on the front glass,  I realized if she’s shooing from that side and I’m shooing from this side, the only direction the bird has to go is back further into the truck.  Not good. “Stop!”  I thought for a sec(tuition dollars at work!), “Got it!” I run around to her side of the car, but instead of wielding my cone-covered hand at the bird inside the truck, I tap the cone on the windshield.  Finally, he backed out and flew off. 

We closed the windows and turned on the airconditioner.  Environment be damned.

Weeks later, we were still finding feathers in the truck. 

Frickin’ nature.


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2 Responses to “Hitchcock Revisited…..”

  1. Rita Zimmerman Says:

    Oh dude, that is messed up. Did it get in through the sunroof or the side windows? I may never use my sunroof again!

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