I’m Baaack……

I have finally recovered from Thanksgiving…sort of. 

Those that know me, know that while I was an athlete all through high school and college, I am clumsy as hell and manage to injure myself in ways that might never have been discovered until I came along.  And so it was on Thanksgiving morning when I steam cleaned the inside of my nose and my eyeballs all in one shot.

So, I was doing my bit for the Thanksgiving feast.  We we’re expecting a crowd and we’re cooking like crazy. Big Daddy has the Turkey in the oven and is getting ready to put the ham in as well.  Ma is cooking up the candied yams adn dressing with chestnuts and sausage.  I had finished snapping 3000 green beans and had tossed them in a big pot with some onions, seasonings, chicken broth, smoked turkey necks and my favorite thing next to butter, bacon drippings. I turned the fire up and let it do its thing. It did it’s thing alright. 

I heard the pot bubblin’ away and went to check on my beenage.  A quick peek would hurt and I wanted to make sure that weren’t overcooked.  I lifted the lid did a quick flip of the wrist and got a full frontal-USER ERROR, USER ERROR!  As I had turned the lid, it acted like a scoop and lifted a wad of steam directly up my nostrils, which were instantly fried. I flushed my face with cold water, and luckily no permanent physical damage was done, but my DUH meter went up quite a bit.

When Big Daddy came into the kitchen and saw me standing over the sink, my face dripping wet and me squinting like Popeye, he knew that I had done something.  Giving me the  not- again face, he asked, “What’d you do?” “I burnt the inside of my nose,” I say, shaking off the water like a wet retriever. He rolled his eyes and smirked. He asked if I was okay, and then remarked, “Only you….”

Who knew you could burn the INSIDE of your nose???? It did take a few days to realize that I had also cooked my eyeballs and their sockets.  I thought it was my allergies, but then realized that was not so and there was little more to that feeling of someone rubbing steel wool back and forth over my corneas, that fact that I look like I lit a big fat spliff (without the benefits….so I’ve heard), and that my eyes hurt looking at bright light like I’m a bleeping Gremlin.

So, I am going to the Dr. to make sure there is no permanent damage, which will be interesting when I have to explain the nature of my visit…”Uuuuuh, I have green bean burns in my nose and on my eyeballs.”  I can just see all the little question marks floating above the receptionist’s head.

I can just feel my DUH meter inching up a little bit more.

 

 

 

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6 Responses to “I’m Baaack……”

  1. Dianne Says:

    I love green beans!!!
    You should have asked Nina, she knows to tilt the top away from yourself!!! We had this lesson during a Ramen noodle cooking class.

  2. Regina Says:

    This is exactly why I’m in medicine… Stories like this make our day. Fret not, only the ultimate DUH versions get posted on our bulletin board for the month!
    Hope you got to enjoy the meal. I read this after a 12 hour shift and was salivating just thinking about all that good food.

  3. Bagel Sibley Says:

    Nothing. Not a goddamn word.

  4. Heather Says:

    All of this, without the aid of a skateboard?

    Love you long time.

    But Oh My Heavens…that is some funny sheet.

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